When love starts to hurt, don't wait because it's not going to get better. Love is supposed to be all butterflies and rainbows but sometimes can feel like more of a nightmare than anything else. It's important not to wait for things to get so bad that you feel like you don't have any other way. Here are some signs that it's time to conclude your relationship.
You are seriously considering swearing yourself off relationships and have made peace with the thought that you might end up alone, and you are totally okay with that!
Many different indicators might come up early on in a relationship that indicates it is time to reevaluate the relationship. These can include things like trust issues, over-responsibility, feeling taken for granted, and more. The importance of living your life with intention is not new, but the need for women to do so has never been more vital. We all have opportunities in our lives to make changes, and it's up to us how we decide to live them.
In the face of a society that would rather see us stay low and not speak up, it's easy to feel silenced. In this post, I want to talk about how we have been silenced in intimate relationships and how we can start actively seeking out our voice.
Step #1: Start by taking back control
How do you take your control back, you ask? Reevaluate your needs and what it is that you require to thrive in a relationship. Oft times as women, we are expected to shoulder everything. It's been said that those with overprotective parents often grow up to be codependent as adults.
Do you think there might be a connection? You know yourself best. If it is a trait that does not serve you or benefit your development, it's time for a change. From a cultural perspective, I grew up witnessing women being blamed for everything. The husband cheated? Oh, it was her fault he strayed. The kids are terrible. Oh yes, it's her fault since she's home with the kids all day and teaches them.
And yet when things go right, the praises oh the praises go in the opposite direction? As a kid growing up in that type of environment, it certainly shapes you in a specific kind of way. Well, I have good news for you ladies; as an adult, you are in control of your life's plan. You and you alone will make the decision to change and take back your power!
What is important now is how you decide to live your life and make the necessary changes to move forward. I am a huge supporter of any type of self-development. As venuses, we are unique to ourselves with different interests, hobbies, likes, and dislikes. Sometimes, we do not even have the opportunity to realize we are not in the best state of being. Taking back control means getting ahold of your situation and making the appropriate changes to achieve it.
Step #2: Stop engaging in negative self-talk
Negative self-talk is a coping mechanism that helps us to feel better about ourselves. However, it is not always healthy and can lead to mental health problems. Practicing positive self-talk will help you to change the way you think about yourself. Using this technique regularly will help your mental health improve. It can also give you the confidence to take on new challenges in life. Stop engaging in negative self-talk if you want your mental health to improve!
Understand that the end of a relationship will be painful. How you prepare for this pain can save you a ton in heartaches. If you have had your heart broken before, this is is just one more battle scar that will help you evolve into the beautiful Venus you are meant to me. Because love shouldn't hurt. If this is the first breakup, it will not be pretty, and you will wonder for a while what happened! You will want to roll around doing nothing productive and wallow in self-pity. That is okay; you are entitled to do so. One day you will wake up and realize the world has not come to a screeching halt.
Meanwhile, that man has moved on and dropped you like a hot potato quick! In the midst of it all, you are expected to "get over it," "you are better off without him," "there's better fish in the sea," did I miss anything? And all the while, your heart is breaking and leaking out of your chest, and nobody gives a damn. Oh, the drama wagon will appear. The besties who have your best interests at heart but end up causing more drama. The relatives insist that marriage is forever and you must not make the wrong choice despite being the wronged party. If this sounds like you, read on; it gets better.
You do not have to do anything that you do not want to do. Let me repeat that. You do not have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable, crazy, hurt, question yourself, etc. When you know in your heart that it is over, you know. No amount of sweet-talking, arguments, whining, crying, fits, and all should prevent you from seeing that this type of behavior is already an issue. Especially when this is happening behind closed doors, and the act resumes in public, do yourself a favor and develop your exit strategy immediately.
I am an avid supporter of therapy, self-improvement, self-care, and pretty much anything that elevates us as women. I'm here for it. No woman should feel that she cannot speak about her feelings, emotions, or any issues and be made to feel that they are insane. If no one will listen to you, leave a comment in this post. I will.
Step #3: Carving out time for yourself
Make some time to grieve the end of that relationship before diving headfirst into another one. The healing process is necessary. You can't go from one relationship straight to another without giving yourself time to grieve and heal.
In the meantime, use this experience to grow into yourself and reconnect with your desires. What is it that you seek in love and life? With each breakup, you should be a tad bit closer to what your ideal relationship is. You will become very clear and laser-focused on what you will and won't settle for. We as Venuses are far from perfect and must allow faults where we are flawed….ooh poetic…I know;)
Step #4: If after you have tried to remedy the relationship, but negativity persists…it is time to consider that breaking up is the kind thing to do
Trust what you see if you have sought help and gotten all the therapy you feel you might ever need and no visible changes are seen. Do not continue to exhaust yourself any longer. Understand that change starts with the individual before the couple. This means that if only one person is getting therapy while the other insists that no changes are needed for them to improve, it is a moot point.
As we continue to improve ourselves, we cannot hold ourselves back from who we are meant to be by investing our time in people that clearly do not want to invest in us. To sustain an "us," we must invest in ourselves first to avoid bringing baggage or unnecessary grief into the next relationship. If negative feelings and emotions dominate where love once lived, it is time to move on. After you have tried all that you can, and the negativity persists, relationship expert Megan Bruneau makes a great point on the relationship coming to an end for the benefit of both parties. Read more about it here. With that, may you lovely Venuses have a restful weekend full of love, laughter, and silly moments
Love is a complicated thing. Sometimes, relationships are tough, and they break up in unexpected ways. It can be challenging to get over the heartbreak. But you will get over it, and you will grow stronger from it. You just need to take your time, heal yourself, and then you can start anew.
Hello and welcome to Wholesome Venus! I am Lola James and it's great to meet you. As as a former case manager for domestic violence programs, I am an advocate for self-care and female empowerment.